03 Apr Living my life, Finding my way, Sharing my Journey…
I imagine many of my friends and family are clinching their pearls wondering what I’m going to write about. Well, let me tell you. For a very long time, I believe many people have only seen one side of me – the activist, the member of many organizations, the traveler, the counselor, the life coach blah blah blah. However, I feel like although they’ve all experienced or seen some of the highs of my life, only a few are privy to my life behind closed doors, prior to college, or even before I relocated to Chicago.
My door has always been open to others; I’ve invited many over to visit, allowed them to admire the exterior, compliment the landscape, and even take a picture or two. I’ll even let them in, but they’ve never been allowed access to the whole house; there are secret passages and rooms that people could never access. You know that room in the house that’s too messy and still has clothes all over the floor, that one. I’ll give just enough to make you feel like you know me, until you realized that you don’t.
Now is the time to come clean. I’m going to tell the truth – well my truth. Some people will be uncomfortable, and others will be on the edge of their chair. Some of you are asking, “Why write a blog?” Good question. I can say that it’s because I’ve always been a writer, I enjoy storytelling, captivating audiences, and helping others but, am I truly helping if I’m not being completely honest? I’m not saying that I’m a liar – I’ve just withheld a few details.
We all have a story to tell. That includes you! For years, I’ve lived by the creed “My business is my business” but who am I truly helping if I’m not being completely open about the broken home, domestic abuse, the sleepless nights, and the failed relationships. Some continue to carry these burdens and instead of releasing the things that are holding them captive, he or she buries the pain. When we avoid or ignore what has hurt us, it shows up in other areas of our life. Suddenly, you’ve lost interest in hanging with your friends, gained or loss a few pounds, or locked yourself in your house. You’ve lost interest in living life and have even contemplated ending it.
You might be thinking, many people go through that, and you’re right. We’ve all felt pain but in different ways – what hurts me might not necessarily hurt you. Like many people, I’ve been numb to pain; I say I’m okay when I’m not; I resist crying when I’m hurt, and I don’t like to be pitied. I guess I can say that I’ve learned to do this over time; I’ve felt like no one cared; no one could relate; no one understood; It left me dark, depressed, and withdrawn from my emotions, but now I find myself trying to tear down the walls that I’ve built. There are many old scabs – some have healed and others, not so much.
I’ve been over-protective, guarded – some may even say fake. So let me pose a question. Do you tell all of your secrets or are there a few that you’d rather take to your grave? What happens in this house stays in this house, right? Didn’t your mother tell you that? We’ve been conditioned to share enough to get the business card or enough to minimize others curiosity. Have we been conditioned to be fake or are we being hypocrites by judging others who don’t give all the details?
Who’s really keeping it 100?
The truth is you haven’t told the whole truth either; we’ve all been convinced not to trust others, so even if someone gives it to you straight, it doesn’t really matter. They walk, dress and talk differently. They’re from a single parent household, drives a sub-par car, and works a minimum wage job; You’ve disqualified them before you even met their heart. You’ve listened to information from third-parties, and you haven’t even given he or she a chance to introduce themselves. You’ve judged them based on someone else’s perspective never knowing what he or she could’ve been to you. You know what you’re willing to accept in your life and who qualifies for your definition of a “friend”, but what if you’re qualifications are unreasonable.
Do you meet your own qualifications?
Our stories aren’t ours to keep. I can continue to walk around like my ish doesn’t stink or I can keep it all the way real – give you my truth, and take you along for the journey. I have no pressure because mostly all of the things that I’m sharing with you, I’m blessed to have survived it all and every day you read and feel delivered from one of my blogs, it’s God’s way of showing me that I’m on the right path – stay aligned.
So as you take this journey with me, I hope you’re inspired, feel empowered and have the courage to share your story. You may not agree with everything that I have done, currently do, or say but if that inspires you to do things differently, then I’ve done my job. Feel free to comment, share your stories here, or even submit a prayer request. I won’t bite!